My goal. My objectives. My bucket list.

    We’ve met each other on a very liberated venue. I must admit though that I hated myself back then. I really thought that it was the proper venue. But after some thinking and after I met a person who’s already in my past, I can freely say that it was for no good — that it is wrong. Wrong is the manner, but not the person.

    Just when I decided to erase that certain ‘venue’ we’re talking about and bury it in my past, you came to me and you seem pretty interesting; so interesting that your company separated and delineated me away from who I was with. Beautiful things happened between us, I must say — more than just an exchange of numbers, secrets and jokes. And eventually, set me apart completely from that someone for I chose you.

    We parted ways for a while til we saw each other again, still in love as we first met. I threw myself at you after the people deserted where we were standing and right at that moment, I knew that my feelings were genuine — so genuine that I never wanted to leave you alone.

    Things happened so quickly and the friendship we had escalated towards a more exclusive “getting-to-know” stage. We decided to bury our past — our wild past — deep into our memories and never look back. Yes, we deleted the venue where we first met. It was wonderful, really, to look forward to a more mature and grown-up phase, that is, to be exclusive.

    However, as they say it is never easy. It was almost impossible to not hurt each other. Those were moments of our weakness and I almost gave up. I almost lost myself and found myself trashed and hurt. Trust was gone, the friendship we had was overcome by hatred. And ultimately, we decided to go on our lives separately.

    But as we thought of ourselves alone, we felt that there is a need for each other, that two is really better than one. And then we decided to make up for the things that were broken.

    Someone who doesn’t know me might ask me one thing: why did you accept the offer to get back together? I must admit though that it is a point to ponder however seeking deep in my heart, I’d rather say that I want to influence people. I mean, I want them to change for their own betterment. I just want people to mature and think about life as a wonderful yet painful thing. I want them to see how beautiful it is to live everyday and not regret what we’ve already done on the next day.

    Well, to you, I really love you. I really love you so much that I want you to be better yourself and I want to be there as you constantly develop. You may slip out sometimes, lie and get away with it easily (and yeah, it is really painful) however I think of you changing as something gradual. I must be patient and I must be strong yet I do believe that it is your own journey, not mine, but I want to be part of that journey.

    You’re trying, I know. But sometimes you disappoint me however I still give you a chance.

    I keep on praying to God for you to change and may He direct you to something wonderful and something that’s of worth to you — something that will build a positive reputation and a bright future.

    I love you and that is why I keep on staying — I see something wonderful in you that has been stained by angst, bitterness and wrong notion of individuality. And I, as someone who truly loves and cares for you, is always here to help you as you discover that “something wonderful”.

    It may hurt a bit however, I’ll try. I am not a martyr rather I just believe that I am the perfect person for you.

    And I hope you are too, for me.

  2. It’s a Promise Therefore I Should Keep It

    I promise that:

    1. I will change myself for the better. Wouldn’t be nice to see myself in a new look in a perfectly-started new year? New image, new personality and new beginnings.

    2. Academics, career and the self above all things. Hey mister, it’s my future we’re talking about here, eh? You’re never too young nor too old. Prioritize these paths to your plans please.

    3. Save more, eat less. Remember the 70-20-10? Financial ideas are here but discipline is not. I better work on this.

    4. Love, love and love more. 2013 has been partly ruined by hatred and bitterness. Try to forgive and nourish not just the physical self but also the spiritual and mental.

    5. Relationships are the key. Friends, loved ones and family — these are what you can treasure the most even if you don’t have a nice career or a pleasing physical appearance.

  3. Thoughts In the Dark

    Pitch black darkness enveloped across the room

    As I lay there, with you beside me,

    Skin not touch touching each other’s,

    My back facing you as you tried getting across to me

    I know pain, confusion and the bitterness of the past come with you

    But after pain comes comfort and ease of the present after bitterness.

    I checked myself and I’ve found that I’m perfectly fine

    Except I’m with you

    "Why are you here?," I asked.

    You didn’t speak a word.

    My question was right. “Why are you here?”

    I didn’t know where you come from

    Or how and why in the world I’m lying beside you

    All I know is I’m here with you and I don’t want to be.

    I was happy way before I entered this room of darkness with you

    Words of comfort, affection and security kept on shielding me away from you.

    But you’ve gotten into the room with me.

    I lay there, with you, for hours, keeping track of the answer to what I’ve asked

    Yet you haven’t spoken a word or two.

    I turned myself to face you but all I saw is MYSELF

    Quite confused of what I’ve seen, I asked you again.

    "Why are you here?,"

    Again, silence was your reply.

    Tired of the usual question, I scrambled up

    And just wished that you’d be gone as I turn the lights on,

    Hoping that the unforgiving self of bitterness

    Whose hands have reached me

    Finally goes away.

    And the negative side of the self in the struggle loses.

    Coming to an extreme that the positive will exist over the other.

    But I can’t seem to find the light switch…

    Photo (c) wlscounseling.com


    Nights are lonely without you. I’m still living in the past where we chat endlessly as if there is no tomorrow. I try to utter a word but everytime I do so, I fail. And after that failure, I would just choose to keep my silence and give you some space for I know there is nothing I can do. I don’t want to push you hard to talk to me; that’d make me weird-looking in your eyes and you may be freaked out. Once, a friend told me that once you try getting close to a person, the more that person keep himself/herself distant from you.

    I keep that in mind all the time.

    I tried. But once a day passed, after the sun rises and sets without talking to you, I would eventually forget everything she told me and I’d immediately go towards the computer, seeing to it that I leave a message so that you’d know that I exist. And after receiving your reply, it’s as if my heart feels heaven. Otherwise, a lot of things would play in my mind - playful things that made me extremely paranoid and traumatized. I don’t want the past to happen again. Yep, it’s hard facing that past of ours. I tried burying that past to the bottomest pit possible but my subconscious still cognitively unearths everything that has happened - and yeah, it plays like a broken record. 

    I don’t want to open this up to you personally because I’m afraid that it might just trigger back the miserable things that has happened to us. I remember that these dilemmas were the ones that sparked our major argument. Trust was lost, love faded and personalities transformed. There were times that I’m afraid to speak up about random things because I’m too afraid that those words might just end up being misinterpreted and the fact that I’m struggling for our relationship be forgotten.

    We have changed, I know. And I’m still living in the past - I still look forward to the fact that we can go back to the couple we used to be. On the other side, however, I have to be realistic: people do change. We change. Maybe that’s just how things are. I’m just afraid that we, as persons, truly change and our feelings also are bound to change. 

    Oh well, as of this moment, I don’t know what to do with our relationship at all. It’s hard, I know. I still love you, the same way I loved you before. I just don’t have a track of how you’re feeling about me. No, it’s not true. I can clearly see it. You still love me. You’re trying. It’s just that time won’t permit us and I’m demanding more which I shouldn’t be doing. I don’t know why.

    The question is, which is the right thing to do: to reciprocate what you’re giving me or to give you all the love I can give without expecting a lot in return?

    Til now, I don’t know. All I know is, I love you so much, I’m so happy we’re still together and I can’t let you go…

    But fear lurks around somewhere and creates boundaries between us two.

    But behind it all, I still have the same love for you. That’s what matters most.


    To love is to struggle.

    Love should be giving your all, without expecting anything in return. Though sometimes we give out so much so that we even hurt ourselves, we are still able to undergo the pain because we know that somehow it is worth it.

    There are moments that we forget to look at ourselves and think for ourselves for the sake of the other’s happiness, in the hope of someday that person will reciprocate the love we offered to him/her.

    Well, I guess this is what love is: it is patient and kind; it trusts, hopes and perseveres.


    Trust is always the key. If you want your partner to trust you, you have to trust them as well. However, trust should never be unspoken, instead, there must be an assurance between the two parties to guarantee unbreakable trust. 

    Once this trust is broken, always learn to forgive and forget. It won’t be easy, though. But if you really value your relationship, you, two, have to endure the pain and struggle to reconstruct the trust. :>


    If I were to give everything up and walk away, will you hold my hand, pull me closer to your chest and promise me you’ll never let go?


    Always speak your heart out whenever the circumstance permits. Insecurities, untold hatred and doubts are bound to happen if we don’t do so. It always takes two to tango, meaning, to have the best relationship, you and your partner must always meet halfway. :D


    Being single is not being alone; it’s a time to explore and reflect on yourself. Enjoy it while you still can. :)

  10. I Better Leave You, Right Here, Right Now

    You were never there for me, especially during the times I needed you…

    Earlier you PM-ed me. It felt like HEAVEN, for real! We chit-chatted and knew how the each of us was doing.. Just the usual casual talk, honestly… except for the fact that all the feelings which I thought I’ve already lost came back to me, right then.

    I can’t stop loving you… I can’t stop looking at your Facebook account… I can’t stop wondering when can I ask you to ask me the questions again… I can’t stop thinking about you…

    If only I had an amnesia machine which, perhaps, can delete all the memories here in my head, I wouldn’t hesitate using it so that I can forget all those smiles and those killer looks which you once cast on me. But I surely can’t. And I won’t. As I mentioned in my previous (rant) article, you were once a part of my life. You are one of the those that made me strong thus, I should be thankful to God for bringing you to my life. You weren’t a curse; in fact, you are a blessing. :>

    Maybe I should let go of you, to build a stronger path for my future. It will not be easy, honestly speaking. I expect hardships but I know that thinking my future and my happiness could be my motivation.

    If you could just ask me the question and clarify things for me, maybe I would be more happy. Again, thank you. :”>

    ~Tell me your secrets, ask me your questions, oh, let’s go back to the start… (The Scientist, Coldplay)

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